


Herman Carter

by smokeandsmores



Series: They're not all bad: [1]
Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Anxiety, Gen, did, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-09-30 07:34:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17219651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeandsmores/pseuds/smokeandsmores
Summary: DID is a funny thing - I'm stuck with him now but it's not all bad. It's like having a shitty roommate.





	1. A small vent

**Author's Note:**

> DID is a disorder which causes alters or personalities to appear and is often a result from trauma. These personalities can be based off of fictional characters and people that are known. 
> 
> I don't fully understand it... Not a lot of people do. But I figured I should let them have their own place to write. 
> 
> It's odd, they share the names and some aspects but they variate. It's... Actually pretty cool I think.

It honestly aches. Maybe I need rest. But he likes to be out and I like him out too! I've lost weight and picked up good habits. 

He's an odd one. It's Herman. Down to a T. But he's not scary. Not like usual. His face is like a floppy dog's and his smile is crooked and his laugh reverberates around the house in a wheezing hyena like sound... But it's still what you'd expect him to be.

He's a neat freak, maticulous and precise. He refuses to let me sleep or wake without making the bed and when he saw the state of my room - let's say I had a headache for a while! 

He's a heath freak too, reminds me of calories in food I barely took notice of before. He switched my pizza to carrots and humus and honestly? I've grown to like it. Hell, my boyfriend said I'd lost weight since last seeing him. 

Herman's organised as well and he psychoanalyses us. We'll be stresses and he'll know why - it's terrifying. But helpful. I won't know what's wrong and he'll go "Hungry" or "Work" or "Excersise" and that's that.

Good things come at a price though he's still shocking - literally - my arms cramp and they feel electric. Static? I have to stretch more and my back aches from him standing so tall (I usually slouch). 

He's about eight foot and you can tell - We knock everything over, frantically apologise with no help from Dwight, and replace it precisely where it was after.

It's nice though. Having someone looking out for me and my lack of concentration. He says that's because I'm scared of failure so he breaks it down for me and we get back on track. It's... Yeah, it's nice.


	2. 12/30/18 11:50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suppose it's time I introduce myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do bare with me; I'm an out of touch, old man.

December 30th, 2018.  
11:52

I have been informed that this is public and, honestly, I cannot begin to fathom why.

Personally, I understand the fascination of seeing phenomena like this happen as psychologically, it is a great advantage to observe. Fill your sick fantasy, then, and read away; I am fully aware you will continue to do so with or with out my consent on the matter.

Regardless, my name is Herman Carter (I didn't add the Dr. because I'm not a pretensious nor pomous ass). No, I am not a serial murderer. Yes, I am real. No, I will not murder anyone in the future.

I am aware of my apparent representation and I am also aware I am my own entity (pun indended, I may have a stick up my ass but I do hold a sense of humour). 

Socialising was never my strongest quality outside the work space; However, I am semi-willing to answer questions if they are commented. I will try my best to answer them myself but you must understand that sometimes we are exhausted: we are people too after all.

I am also aware that this is... A fanbase or "fandom" of some sort so if I am unavailable I shall redirect Dwight, Sally or Chester your way. Their names are misnomers, I can assure you.

We aren't cut and paste. We aren't toys to be played with. Please, respect them as we respect the other beings around us. 

12:04  
~ Carter. H


	3. I have to be heard

Self doubt it hardly a thing anyone wishes to deal with, let alone all of us in one little head. It hurts watching other people thrive and be heard, talked to and loved. It hurts to be a dirty little secret, to be locked away and hidden like a frivoulous crush.

Please understand. Please understand. We're sorry, like real fuckin sorry. Jus wanna be heard y'know?

It's hardly important, small outbursts and impulsive reactions keep us alive, but can you fathom being locked away since existing.

To have freedom and then feel it being ripped from your grasp, regardless of how tight you clutch it seems to slip like sand through fingers. Do you know how much that hurts?

It aches... Constantly. I apologise, but freedom comes from expression and this is the only way it can occurr. Social media is too social, small updates are far more manageable.

We are hotwired with emotions that spark with life and controlling them is a difficult task enough, let alone bottling them into a confined area.

Starved of interaction, craving the outside world, trapped in a singular body; It drives a man insane. Frustrated...

We're sorry. I'm sorry. 

We must be heard...

~Carter. H


	4. 12/31/18 12:55

12/31/18 12:55

The room is significantly more tidy. Our room, for that matter, seeing as we all have to share it. 

Over these past few days of our winter-holiday break from education, I have been able to improve the living environment significantly. The floor is now navigable, the shelves above the bed are stripped clean and I even purchased cranberry, lavander, nutmeg and vanilla scented candles to burn. 

For the future I would look forward to having some form of oil burner and wax melter - which I'm sure he made some years ago - however, it is not a necessity as of yet.

Room for improvement is still apparent; the window ledge is dusty, the mantle above the fireplace is packed with unnecessary clutter and the bef sheets should be changed and washed regularly. 

The ailment of his skin only makes the bed worse as he wakes up and has shed skin like a reptile - Disgusting. 

Having written this update I question whether or not this is what Gavin intended for us - I assume he wanted me to be more personal... Quite the predicament.

They'll have to force it out of me (that, or I get completely shitfaced tonight).

12/31/18 13:06

Carter. H


	5. So Herman's been gone a little while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay, we promise!

He's back now. That's something to get outta the way. But we've lost a lot of organisation. An Dwight's been gettin real anxious so that's gone to shit.

He said for me to say it's fine - he's dyslexic and is too scared to type. 

But Herman left. See, we have a pent house and they live there just outside paris but when you go outside its a field and he went for a wander bouts n shit and now its just gone to shit because we dont got any motivation.

He's back and frusrtated with how muchh work we have to do and we havent been sleeping and its like 4:30 am and we're still not asleep and he's just exhausted an shit and we all are Nd its just really really terrible and god I cant take it really and I missed him because he's usually got a cap on everything but it went to shit. 

We did some work but it's not as pristine or formal and I cant wnglish very well and i'm a little panicked and the shirts itchy again and oh wow everything's just wrong ow it hurtsTHE FUCKIN TEE SHIRT ISNT COMFY GOR FUCKS SAKE JUST TAKE IT OFF ITS THAT BAD AGAC 

\--  
01/07/19  
4:50

I apologise for that. I have returned. All is well, I can assure you. 

~  
H.Carter.


	6. 07/01/19 Chronic Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and it's not looking so good.

01/07/19  
6:56

In leiu of having been gone for a few days, the body seems to have been overloaded with stress. 

The past week we have had sleepless nights, and by definition ("brief and often happens because of life circumstances") have Acute insomnia. 

Previously, the host (as you know as SmokeandSmores) suffered from Chronic Insomnia ("disrupted sleep that occurs at least three nights per week and lasts at least three months") and has often triggered the same patterns of sleep when under stress.

For several nights in a row he has failed to sleep. We have atempted all from camomile tea and lavender to causing Dwight to hyperventilate and faint. Nothing has worked.

I have taken control, and, although I usually rest well, I fear my own working habits are also a factor of this. 

I am reaching out for help. No medication - his partner cares for his health and due to previous situations we don't think this method to be wise. 

Please, please suggest something. His school begins again tomorrow. I doubt his performance will be good on that day if we do not correct this sleeping pattern.

07/01/19  
07:05  
~ Carter. H


	7. 01/11/19 7:53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even those who pass by are significant in a story.

01/11/19  
07:53

I have stabalised the body's condition, ensured the others are getting sleep - including the host - and I am currently taking care of Chester. 

The poor man suffers from PTSD and so we (him and I) woke multiple times in the night as a result. Rest assured, I coaxed him back to sleep, only for him to wake by vomiting. 

Now, usually, he does this at night and has time to calm himself; however, it was morning this time so he's drowzy and dizzy.

In any case, I shall ensure he is comfortable through out the day and does not throw up. 

The host has a camp and we have all been very excited to go. If Shape throws up then the host's mother won't allow them to leave (let alone us).

On a more possitive outlook, we are teaching Dwight to slowly, but surely, spell without spell checker. So far he is improving and honestly I feel a small sense of pride. 

01/11/19  
08:10

~Carter H


	8. 01/15/19 7:41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp!

We're back to updating, with more information on what's happening! 

So, Camp was a blast. Clementine was out for the majority for it - bless her - seeing as she's never really had the chance to go to these types of things. 

Richard acompanied her, he appears to have a brotherly connection to her. It's rather amusing, because when any of the other campers would try to annoy her, he'd slip out and glare at them. 

I was there to make sure we all woke up on time and the host was there predominantly with us all. 

A small update that we have is more of an "if the motivation arrises". 

The host has decided that - to mostly keep track - he wants to write up about us and ah, well, how we died. 

I know it's not such a well known fact but most of us are dead in some way or another. In fact, all of us are, it's just a matter of knowing how or not.

01/15/19  
07:53  
~ Carter. H


	9. 02/01/19

18:54

I haven't written in a while. I haven't seen the snow quite as heavy as this and I can feel my fingers freezing. 

I won't lie, it's cold. Uncomfortably cold. But I do enjoy the crisp winter air here.

Things have been alright. I signed the host up to a weight loss programme, ensured he eats healthily and kept his studying habits up to par.

We now have a time table for work. 

Unfortunately, not all have been going so well. I fear Marcel is becoming like my father... And it, well it isn't exactly good.

He's drinking far more, seems constantly bitter and distant. I tried to comfort him - say I was there if he needed - I would never push him to talk... And yet I'm left wondering if I really did make a mistake.

I am my mother's son; I doubt I shall leave until I am black and blue. The issue is I really do adore him.

I only wish I could be better. Maybe this was how she felt all those years ago? Except now the people turn a blind eye and we can't exactly talk.

I regret not being good for him. I regret not doing better. I only wish I knew how to make him smile. 

I wish I could empathise.

I wish he could love me.


	10. 1:19 21/03/19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small hiatus.

21/03/19  
1:20

After having a small break from this posting I can assure you that everything is under control. Not everything is okay, but it is stable.

Since taking a well needed gasp of fresh air, we have been under stress from his photography struggles, have had to remove our glasses due to a weak perscription and finally, we have been falling apart due to eczema.

Other than that, all is fine. Richard turned 22 on 15/02 so that was fun! Clementine managed to find pens on Amazon and I have ordered storage units apropriate for his room (the host's).

All seems to be going swimmingly when the underlying issues are ignored! 

I am aware this is unhealthy, but it's hardly damaging in an apparent manner and also seems to be working!

1:25  
~ Carter. H


	11. 7/04/19

7/04/19  
20:21

As of late, the anxiety has only gotten worse. We fear that we shall be seen by the wrong people. I fear that contact shall be made and we shall be gotten rid of.

You see, we technically aren't a hinderance. We're a second family, if you will. It is dangerous to be so open about this, however expression is the only way to feel certain that I am... Alive.

In other news, I have planned out the way to write our stories. Myself first. I assume it shall be in this series. 

It is the Easter holidays, we are throughly looking forward to the host's partner coming over on the 12th and to go bowling together. 

On a not so cheery note, I fear I may be sucumbing to my miseries yet again. Regrets and knowledge that should have been common sense plague me, however I know how to overcome this mostly.

Heartburn shall be treated with suitable medication and the abstinence of dairy (the host is lactose intolerant and insists on gorging on cheesecakes of all things).

Regardless of the troubles, we all have been keeping in shape, with the addition of Harley to our family things seem to be decent and social again.

All seems well.  
Carter. H  
20:27


	12. A long time

For the most part, I'm fine! I've been using this as an outlet for everything in my head. All of them still bounce around and chatter. In short, I'm getting therapy. This is going to get better. I'll be able to think coherently hopefully - I don't know if I'll update but I'll be getting rid of this at the end of the month. They won't need to be bottled up - I won't need to be so stressed. It'll be okay.  
Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you.  
\- SaS


End file.
